Journaling tip

Activity: What are you holding on to, telling yourself you can’t live without it? Is there a person who you fear will go away? Is there a level of finances that you’re waiting to have before you let yourself feel complete? Do an inventory of your life. Decide what you’ve convinced yourself you need to be complete. Now, transfer these people or things to a list in your journal. Make the title of that list “people and things I need to release and detach from my self-esteem.” You can still have these people or things in your life, but your goal here is to get clear on your motives for wanting them in your life.

I’m learning

The Language of Letting Go
July 30

Accepting Powerlessness

Since I’ve been a child, I’ve been in an antagonistic relationship with an important emotional part of myself: my feelings. I have consistently tried to ignore, repress, or force my feelings away. I have tried to create unnatural feelings or force away feelings that were present.

I’ve denied I was angry, when in fact I was furious. I have told myself there must be something wrong with me for feeling angry, when anger was a reasonable and logical response to the situation.

I have told myself things didn’t hurt, when they hurt very much. I have told myself stories such as “That person didn’t mean to hurt me.” . . . “He or she doesn’t know any better.” . . . “I need to be more understanding.” The problem was that I had already been too understanding of the other person and not understanding and compassionate enough with myself.

It has not just been the large feelings I have been at war with; I have been battling the whole emotional aspect of myself. I have tried to use spiritual energy, mental energy, and even physical exertion to not feel what I need to feel to be healthy and alive.

I didn’t succeed at my attempts to control emotions. Emotional control has been a survival behavior for me. I can thank that behavior for helping me get through many years and situations where I didn’t have any better options. But I have learned a healthier behavior – accepting my feelings.

We are meant to feel. Part of our dysfunction is trying to deny or change that. Part of our recovery means learning to go with the flow of what we’re feeling and what our feelings are trying to tell us.

We are responsible for our behaviors, but we do not have to control our feelings. We can let them happen. We can learn to embrace, enjoy, and experience – feel – the emotional part of ourselves.

Today, I will stop trying to force and control my emotions. Instead, I will give power and freedom to the emotional part of myself.

Always Be Kind

I am so grateful. I am so blessed. I am so honoured. Especially when I can help someone, because I have been helped so much, and especially when I am able to pay it forward. 

A woman (Bayah) who walked with a cane and had stopped in front of Hill Barber Shop, after my wonderful Monika performed her magic on me yesterday, asked for directions to the Clarion. She was looking for a place nearby. After answering her query, I asked if she would like a ride. She was stunned I would even offer. What if I was psychotic she asked? ... Then I guess your cane goes in my trunk so you can’t whack me over the head with it I answered. Lol

I proceeded to apologize for the state of my car and hoped she wasn’t allergic to cats as I moved the disposable litter box off the floor at her feet into the back seat. I apologized for the lack of room for her legs due to the glove compartment being stuck open due to an I unidentified object stuck in the hinges. This was the least of my worries because it was the least of HER worries. I was unsure of the address as my iPhone location sensor was acting up, so we chatted as I drove in search of the address.

She had recently moved from Calgary, where she felt uncomfortable in such a large city, where people would or could walk around someone who had slipped and fallen and could not get up. THREE TIMES this past winter it happened to her and NO ONE offered a hand or any assistance to get up and literally walked over and around her. I asserted that Medicine Hat was not like that at all. It was a big city with a small town feel. She certainly agreed with that after my generosity and kindness in giving her a lift

After a little meandering, during a rain shower slash thunder storm under which she would have been completely soaked, she was even MORE thankful. We found the address she was looking for and dropped her off ... at the Medicine Hat Women’s Shelter Society Outreach Centre. (why on GGE is it the way out there?) Even though it was completely in the opposite direction I was travelling, it’s something I would do again, and again, to help another struggling soul. As Ellen always says “Be kind to one another”. Please. Always be kind. 💗

May 9/2018

THEN & NOW

When I was a teen, I wanted to be Jennifer Marlow on WKRP in Cincinnati when I grew up, but was not given the opportunity to go to college to pursue the career as a receptionist. Acting, however, was a closer possibility. Marriage and children being my choice.

I discovered my true career path at 35, after participating in a production of My Fair Lady with the Penobscot Theatre Troupe in Bangor, Maine. My dance partner for the Ascot Gavotte scene was a DJ at WQCB in Brewer, Maine. After a tour of Q 106, I knew exactly what I wanted to be when I grew up. I wanted to talk on the radio ... but I was no Johnny Fever. Nor would I be living in Maine more than another year, so would not be able to enrol in the 2 year program at the New England School of Communications. Plans changed but goals remained. I was able to enrol in college

I recall thinking that the classes other than Radio in my Applied Communication Program (TV, journalisms, desktop publishing & photography) were a waste of time. Boy was I wrong. I eventually morphed into Bailey Quarters after 20 years in radio, using all that I learned at Camosun College where I  started my career at CKMO in Victoria, BC, and was able to continue classes by working part-time as a receptionist at the OK Radio Group (CKXM & CKLQ) After graduation I moved and found work at CISN in Edmonton, AB back when they had live overnights (with a 2 hour request show to boot) and then spent the next 15 years in Medicine Hat, finishing with APD/MD/Afternoon Drive at CJLT.  I retired before 55 (too early) and then recently found myself job searching and decided to pursue my original career choice without any additional schooling. 

Just as radio announcers don’t have just one job to do these days, neither does a receptionist. A receptionist does not just receive clients but manage the intake and outflow of information and are responsible for the appearance of the company. I am a walking, talking, billboards for any company I work for. My skills in web design, photography, social media, promotions, communication and organization have not only enhanced my resume but increased my value in a millennial driven market even though I’m a baby boomer. I have recently become the customer service manager for an electricial company in charge of sales, dispatch and growing the client base. All my prior skills gained from my college classes and my radio career, benefit my current company position today. 


I’m no Loni Anderson, nor am I Jennifer Marlowe. Jennifer is wise, sophisticated, intelligent, and well-spoken” ~ Wikipedia. I’m working on it. 

Take Note

Self Care Saturday

Moisturizer 

Nightshirt

Knitting

Journal

Blog

Tea

TV

Most importantly 

Blank Calendar 

💗

Grateful

Not to complain, just to state a fact. I ignored the alarm and stayed in bed for an extra hour as my eyes were too sore to read my book. I pulled out my iPad and Facebooked instead. When I was ready to get up, I leisurely stretched in bed, to which my lower back moaned, left hip whined, right foot whimpered, right knee wailed and both calves cramped. Aging is aggravating but a fact of life. I winced, I limped, I smiled. I have so much more to be grateful for and am happy to be able to get out of a comfy bed, run a clean bubble bath, brew a fresh cup of tea and look forward to the kind and generous life I live. Have a great week my friends. Love you all. 

💋❤️💋

I Had A Dream

I was at my younger sister Bee’s old farm and we were talking about old stuff we keep and her youngest daughter Tay, took me to the old living room to show me an old purse I gave you years ago that looked almost like my new fossil purse. It was the same teal colour but faded and dirty and inside was a bright new teal change purse that looked very much like my new teal purse I just bought at Winners last week with daughter Liz. It was stuffed full and I wanted to use it as my new change purse inside my new purse that fits inside my Fossil purse. When I turned it over to empty the contents, coins tumbled out, far more than what the tiny purse could actually hold. At first, there were a multitude of old pennies, then many nickels and dimes, followed by a few quarters mixed in the loonies and toonies. Tay said she would take all the loonies and toonies and I could have the rest. So there I sat, on the floor in the old living room, in the old farmhouse, with a pile of old, useless coins. 

Then I woke.

What is the meaning of the coins or do I relate myself to the coins? 

Pennies are no longer an accepted currency in Canada and then at the Irvine Bar at bike night on Tuesday, they would not accept dimes or nickels as payment, just quarters. That would leave me with nothing useful to spend other than some spare change and still be poor after acquiring a large amount of money. 

Do I equate myself to old coins of little value, now worthless and tossed aside, rejected because they have no value. 

Wow.

I need to go for a walk rather than stay in bed with the cats for the rest of the day as I had planned.

A Day with Auntie Monika

I have been to the farm before with adults, and we've ridden horses, fed cows, and watched my dog roll in manure, but going to a farm with a child is a totally different experience. Easter I spent the day at the farm with the cutest little 7 year old by the name of Aubrey. She wanted to take us to look at the horses and sheep but instead of walking, she says "Let's take the quad." So on we hop, but she has difficulty with reverse, so here I am, first time on a quad and backing it up for her. Then her Auntie Monika and I hop on the back. On the drive down to the barn, she slows down for all the bumps and I think to myself "What a considerate little driver". That was fine on the way there when I was on the seat, but on the way back, when I am hanging off the end in the basket she goes, "Lets hit EVERY Bump on the way back!!! Woo hooo!!" (ow ow ow ow.)

Anyway, we start with the horses and there is this beautiful black stud by the name of Magic, and Auntie Monika is taking pictures when all of a sudden the horse yawns, and in mid picture, it looks like Ed the talking horse, and it even looks like he's laughing. So I say "Of COURSE, of course, I just told him the funny story about how I thought they must have been hungry when they named the other horses in the paddock." I thought they were Crisco and Cream, but their names are really Frisco and Cree. DOH

Next was on to the Sheep, and there was this one cute little lamb, with a tuft of hair on the top of it's head, and I go, HEY, it's a mohawk!! So we all start - Go Tigers! GO Tigers! Go Tigers! (local hockey team) and we decided to name the lamb T-BOW. (local dj who is big into tigers) And THEN we just HAD to go pet Sheep number 20, cuz it just LOVED to be pet and I decided to break out into song and proceeded to teach Aubrey how to yodel. You know how to yodel eh? It's just about 4 seniors on a bench, 3 women and a man. Old Lady, Old Lady, Old Lady, Lou!!!

Well, I break into a Sound of Music number. "One little girl in a pale pink coat heard, Lady oldlady, oldlady hee hoo. She yodelled back to the lonely goat herd, Lady oldlady oldelou." Sheep - Goats, Same diff. So Aubrey is now yodelling to sheep #20 and all the other little sheep are nuzzling up to me because they like to nibble and one has sheep manure on is nose and is proceeding to nuzzle it all over me!!! Ewww, What has this lamb been rolling in?? oh right. Sheep manure. Needless to say, the next time I go to the farm, I am not just going to wear rubber boots but rubber gloves too.

So next we go to visit Aubrey's Pinto Jimmy and after petting all these animals, I have a hair in my mouth but am not about to put my fingers in my mouth after sheep have been rubbing manure on me so I'm trying to spit it out. Aubrey goes, "oh hush and stop complaining." and I say "I am not complaining, I am spitting!" "Well spit then!" she goes "You're on a farm", and I go, "I can't!!! I spit like a girl and don't wanna drool on myself!!" 

By that time I think the manure fumes have gotten to me, and I say, Hey let's do Jimmy's mane in a Mohawk too. Then it turns into the barber of seville bugs bunny style and once again I break into song. "Come into my shop! Lemme shave your mop! LAAAAA DEE DA DA." And there is little Aubrey, skipping along singing. "Come into my shop! Lemme shave your mop!!!! So she TOOK us to her Grandpa's Shop and there was a radio there, that was tuned into the pop station down the hall. So we changed the station to 1270 CHAT so Grandpa could hear Corinne tell the story about her day at the farm with little Aubrey!!

One Woman’s Junk

I never thought I had the need for a plate rack but my friend who lives in Turner Valley has a business called Painted Treasures. What is one woman’s junk can definitely become another ones’ treasure, for after TLC and a few coats of paint, it now is displayed lovingly in the dining room. Thank You Tellisa for this lovely gift.

The decluttering continues

Another kitchen cupboard decluttered & cleaned (with Thieves Essential Oil diluted in water, love the smell) and come Summer, there will be even less on the bottom shelf. A large portion of the items belong to the air conditioner but could be for the old ones. Will recycle parts for what we don’t need when we start using it in 3 months or so.  It’s really weird having such empty cupboards but I know when we move, I’ll probably need to purge more.