I’m learning

The Language of Letting Go
July 30

Accepting Powerlessness

Since I’ve been a child, I’ve been in an antagonistic relationship with an important emotional part of myself: my feelings. I have consistently tried to ignore, repress, or force my feelings away. I have tried to create unnatural feelings or force away feelings that were present.

I’ve denied I was angry, when in fact I was furious. I have told myself there must be something wrong with me for feeling angry, when anger was a reasonable and logical response to the situation.

I have told myself things didn’t hurt, when they hurt very much. I have told myself stories such as “That person didn’t mean to hurt me.” . . . “He or she doesn’t know any better.” . . . “I need to be more understanding.” The problem was that I had already been too understanding of the other person and not understanding and compassionate enough with myself.

It has not just been the large feelings I have been at war with; I have been battling the whole emotional aspect of myself. I have tried to use spiritual energy, mental energy, and even physical exertion to not feel what I need to feel to be healthy and alive.

I didn’t succeed at my attempts to control emotions. Emotional control has been a survival behavior for me. I can thank that behavior for helping me get through many years and situations where I didn’t have any better options. But I have learned a healthier behavior – accepting my feelings.

We are meant to feel. Part of our dysfunction is trying to deny or change that. Part of our recovery means learning to go with the flow of what we’re feeling and what our feelings are trying to tell us.

We are responsible for our behaviors, but we do not have to control our feelings. We can let them happen. We can learn to embrace, enjoy, and experience – feel – the emotional part of ourselves.

Today, I will stop trying to force and control my emotions. Instead, I will give power and freedom to the emotional part of myself.

Always Be Kind

I am so grateful. I am so blessed. I am so honoured. Especially when I can help someone, because I have been helped so much, and especially when I am able to pay it forward. 

A woman (Bayah) who walked with a cane and had stopped in front of Hill Barber Shop, after my wonderful Monika performed her magic on me yesterday, asked for directions to the Clarion. She was looking for a place nearby. After answering her query, I asked if she would like a ride. She was stunned I would even offer. What if I was psychotic she asked? ... Then I guess your cane goes in my trunk so you can’t whack me over the head with it I answered. Lol

I proceeded to apologize for the state of my car and hoped she wasn’t allergic to cats as I moved the disposable litter box off the floor at her feet into the back seat. I apologized for the lack of room for her legs due to the glove compartment being stuck open due to an I unidentified object stuck in the hinges. This was the least of my worries because it was the least of HER worries. I was unsure of the address as my iPhone location sensor was acting up, so we chatted as I drove in search of the address.

She had recently moved from Calgary, where she felt uncomfortable in such a large city, where people would or could walk around someone who had slipped and fallen and could not get up. THREE TIMES this past winter it happened to her and NO ONE offered a hand or any assistance to get up and literally walked over and around her. I asserted that Medicine Hat was not like that at all. It was a big city with a small town feel. She certainly agreed with that after my generosity and kindness in giving her a lift

After a little meandering, during a rain shower slash thunder storm under which she would have been completely soaked, she was even MORE thankful. We found the address she was looking for and dropped her off ... at the Medicine Hat Women’s Shelter Society Outreach Centre. (why on GGE is it the way out there?) Even though it was completely in the opposite direction I was travelling, it’s something I would do again, and again, to help another struggling soul. As Ellen always says “Be kind to one another”. Please. Always be kind. 💗

May 9/2018

THEN & NOW

When I was a teen, I wanted to be Jennifer Marlow on WKRP in Cincinnati when I grew up, but was not given the opportunity to go to college to pursue the career as a receptionist. Acting, however, was a closer possibility. Marriage and children being my choice.

I discovered my true career path at 35, after participating in a production of My Fair Lady with the Penobscot Theatre Troupe in Bangor, Maine. My dance partner for the Ascot Gavotte scene was a DJ at WQCB in Brewer, Maine. After a tour of Q 106, I knew exactly what I wanted to be when I grew up. I wanted to talk on the radio ... but I was no Johnny Fever. Nor would I be living in Maine more than another year, so would not be able to enrol in the 2 year program at the New England School of Communications. Plans changed but goals remained. I was able to enrol in college

I recall thinking that the classes other than Radio in my Applied Communication Program (TV, journalisms, desktop publishing & photography) were a waste of time. Boy was I wrong. I eventually morphed into Bailey Quarters after 20 years in radio, using all that I learned at Camosun College where I  started my career at CKMO in Victoria, BC, and was able to continue classes by working part-time as a receptionist at the OK Radio Group (CKXM & CKLQ) After graduation I moved and found work at CISN in Edmonton, AB back when they had live overnights (with a 2 hour request show to boot) and then spent the next 15 years in Medicine Hat, finishing with APD/MD/Afternoon Drive at CJLT.  I retired before 55 (too early) and then recently found myself job searching and decided to pursue my original career choice without any additional schooling. 

Just as radio announcers don’t have just one job to do these days, neither does a receptionist. A receptionist does not just receive clients but manage the intake and outflow of information and are responsible for the appearance of the company. I am a walking, talking, billboards for any company I work for. My skills in web design, photography, social media, promotions, communication and organization have not only enhanced my resume but increased my value in a millennial driven market even though I’m a baby boomer. I have recently become the customer service manager for an electricial company in charge of sales, dispatch and growing the client base. All my prior skills gained from my college classes and my radio career, benefit my current company position today. 


I’m no Loni Anderson, nor am I Jennifer Marlowe. Jennifer is wise, sophisticated, intelligent, and well-spoken” ~ Wikipedia. I’m working on it. 

Take Note

Self Care Saturday

Moisturizer 

Nightshirt

Knitting

Journal

Blog

Tea

TV

Most importantly 

Blank Calendar 

💗